Happy thanksgiving everyone!

Hope everyone has an awesome time stuffing themselves full of food and blowing all their money on Black Friday Deals, because I know I will. :D

A weekend full of partying, work, and Adventure Time.

Now peace, quiet, and sleep time.

Looper was flipping awesome, and it was all a great way to end my day.

Good night.

I want something, I’m just ever so unsure of what it is.

I am at one of those points in life where I just feel tired a lot.
I’m tired of working.
I’m tired of stress.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly in search of some solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.

I’m tired of not being able to fall asleep until 6 A.M.
I’m tired of watching the sun rise up.
Every. Single. Morning.
I’m tired of the ever-so-noisy birds.

I’m tired of this summer heat.
I’m tired of waiting.
I’m tired of not being able to express my thoughts to the extent I’d like to.
I’m tired of the existence and illusion of money.
I’m tired of not having enough and having too much “time”.
I’m tired of this hair that seems to grow faster than I can cut it.

And the most generic one of them all:
I’m damn tired of feeling tired. 

But..

I work for something, I work toward a goal.
I stress over things that matter.
I don’t search for a solution, I have one, I just seek a better alternative.
Insomnia isn’t all bad when you’re not the only one.
The sun rising can truly be neat to watch.
Birds are still annoying, regardless.
The heat makes me want to be more active, and outdoors.
I’m waiting for the only thing I’ve ever wanted, and it’s going to be worth it.
At least I have money to blow.
I appreciate the free time that I do have.
And fucking love my hair.

I might be tired, but my vacation is soon.
This grand life is only getting better.

I’ve been thinking about what I want the ‘afterlife’ to be like a lot lately.

A lot of people believe that those that do good things will go to a good place, and that those who do bad things will go to a bad place.

But honestly, that’s really silly.
We, humans, decide what actions are good and evil for ourselves.
Sure, there’s the general common idea of what “good” should be, but we all have different ideas for what is right and what is wrong.

And that’s why there just can’t be a Heaven or Hell, because no one can truly decide for every conscious being what is right and what is wrong.

“I have my way, and you have your way of doing things.
As for the right way and the wrong way, they do not exist.” 

Sure there might be a God, and he might have some afterlife planned for us, but it would so idiotic for that God to separate us from one another based of our minuscule actions in our ever-so short lives.

Every conscious being, including Gods, will have their own idea of right and wrong.

So I’ve decided that nothing will really ‘please’ me, as far as my imagination goes, for an afterlife.

What I really want.. is just something.
Anything.
Something after life. It could be anything at all.
Maybe I’m just hopeful and foolish, but I want there to be more to existence than a hundred or so years of experiences.

But I accept my fate if there isn’t. 

• Old man: "Why do you fill yourself with such.. negative emotion?
• Or rather, why do you allow yourself to let that happen?
• Why take in such darkness? Why trick yourself?"
• Angry man: "Trick myself? I'm doing no such thing."
• Old man: "But you are. You fill yourself with such meaningless things.
• You allow yourself to be angry at nothing, and hate without reason.
• You continue to fill your soul with... nothing. Just darkness. It's empty."
• Angry man: "How can I be empty if I'm filling myself? Fool."
• Old man: "Ah, but that's the trick. You're so deep in your own darkness you can't see.
• You fill yourself with nothing, but trick yourself into believing it's something.
• So again I ask you, why do this?"
• Angry man: "Maybe I like it. The rage, the hate. It empowers me, it's the fuel to my fire."
• Old man: "You lie to yourself, friend.
• You cannot be empowered by nothingness. It's a trick.
• Why not embrace light? Why not try to feel compassion?
• Why not try to accept and love that of which you hate, instead?"
• Angry man: "I love the hate. I'm happy when I'm angry. Why can't YOU understand?"
• Old man: "I can understand that you are lost. You've filled yourself with so much nothingness, so much darkness, that you have completely lost yourself.
• You can't even see what's directly in front of you.
• Tell me, when you get angry, when you get violent, what is the reasoning?"
• Angry man: "...I don't know. Maybe someone bumps into me, and snaps at me, accusing me of running into them. Of course I will get angry."
• Old man: "While you are not wrong, you are not right either.
• Tell me, why not simply apologize? Why not accept that you could be at fault, even if it was no one's fault, and just apologize, then smile, and continue with your day?"
• Angry man: "Because they are the one who is wrong. They do not deserve such kindness in response to such rude behavior."
• Old man: "Everyone deserves kindness. How will they ever learn to be kind to others, if others are never kind to them?
• How will their light ever grow?"
• Angry man: "What light?"
• Old man: "Ah, just as you are empty with darkness, some are filled with light.
• Content, happy, inner peace. An inner light, if you will."
• Angry man: "Ha. You are full of nonsense, old man."
• Old man: "Am I?
• In this world, there is very clearly light and dark.
• Lights beam over solid beings, casting shadows.
• The same effect is within us all. No one will ever live their life without a moment of anger, it's true. And you may even become consumed by such darkness.
• But there can only be darkness if there is light, and that light can grow.
• It can fill this world until there is nothing but light, to the point where there are no longer shadows, no more darkness.
• No fear, or anger, or hate, or rage.
• Just light."
• Angry man: "...."
• Old man: "So to you, sir, I wish you luck with your inner light.
• And I apologize for bumping into you. I should really watch where I'm going."

Tomorrow night at 6:30.

I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED HOLY SHIT. 

Right now, I’m a point in my life where I don’t know what I want to do.
Not in the sense where I’m just going to stand still, and watch as time goes by, not making an effort to do anything.
I just have so many options that I don’t know which one will have the best result, so I’m having trouble deciding which route to take.

Welp, we’ll see what happens. 

The silly thing about it.. is that it’s a completely subconscious process that goes on in our minds.
You’re never consciously aware that you’re falling in-love, ever.
You can be aware that you’re incredibly attracted to someone, infatuated with them, attached, have things in common, or what have you.
But when it comes to legitimately falling for someone, you won’t notice. It sort of just happens, day-to-day, as you are around the person.
It can’t happen at first sight, or soon at all. Which is why love is usually confused with infatuation/attraction.

The moment you meet someone, your mind tries to find qualities about them that are similar to yourself. Starting with physical appearance.
As in, the same hair/eye color, or height.
And things you don’t even consciously notice, like their facial structure.

As soon as your mind sees these things in a person, it will release small amounts of Oxytocin.
Which is the hormone that makes you feel love, and literal affection toward a person.
But like I said, it’s a small amount. Way small.
You won’t even notice it at this point in the process.

But the more your mind figures out about them, and the more they compare to you, the more Oxytocin your brain will release when you think about them, hear about them, see them, touch them, and etc.

Also, every individual person has their own unique scent, but it’s so incredibly faint we don’t even know it’s there. But our brain picks up on this scent early on, and oddly enough that scent plays a huge part in love.
We literally, subconsciously, detect how strong another’s immune system is from that scent.
We also detect how different it is from our own immune system.
The more different one’s immune system is, the more Oxytocin is released when around them.
This is because we’re really just animals, and the brain wants us to fall for a mate that we can create the best, and most healthy/strong offspring with.

Now my favorite part about this process.. is staring into one’s eyes.
It’s a fact that when two individuals stare into each other’s eyes, even if there is no communication going on between the two, they can become “in sync” with each other.
Their thought patterns, and their feelings.
You’ll just be on the same subconscious level as them.

This is something your mind does with theirs, they come to understand each other.
And this goes back to your mind trying to find similar things about others with yourself, and it’s big deal at this part, too.
If your minds find similarities on this strong of a subconscious level, the Oxytocin will probably be off the charts.
And all of the preceding factors come together.

Now your heart beats faster, and your minds start to make your bodies close in.
Your eyes are locked, and thought patterns are in sync, and your feelings are on par.
Now the slightest touch, or softest sound they make, or anything they do has an effect on you.
But you might not see it yet, you might not understand what you had just felt.
Perhaps you are already in a relationship, or they’re a good friend to you.

Maybe the idea of love with this person hadn’t consciously crossed your mind at all. Your subconscious however, is all over it.
Your mind wants to bring you closer to them, you’ve been studying the real them the entire time, and didn’t even know it. Your mind knows they are a great match for you, and their mind knows you are a great match for them.

And who knows, perhaps you’ll never consciously be aware of it.
But chances are, usually in one of your weaker moments, when you two are in the same general vicinity.
Whether it be down a hallway from each other, in the same room, sitting on bench, or what have you… It’ll be another moment of locking eyes.
Except you already understand each other, you already know them, and they already know you.
You go back to that feeling you didn’t really notice before, and it’s stronger than before. The brain is releasing the Oxytocin like crazy now, and it’s another moment where your heart starts racing.

And then it hits you.

This isn’t just some physical attraction, or some delusion of infatuation, or someone you have common interests with.
This is someone you are literally in-love with.
Someone that your mind took the time to understand, and share a subconscious link with. And now someone that you can share a strong, conscious link with.

And that is the literal, miraculous occurrence between us that is love.

Guys I’m so close to my next hundred followers.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU. THE NEW ONES AND THE OLD. 

The more people I follow on tumblr, the more I realize just how much people really hate themselves.
Either their looks, or the things they do, the things they’ve done, their personality, or whatever.
You know, that sort of common stuff.

And.. I don’t know. It’s just made me realize that I’m really content with who I’ve come to be as of right now.
And I’ve accepted that I’ve done shitty things to good people, and I’m getting over it.
Where as before, I sort of held myself against some of the things I’ve done.

I feel like I’ve hurt a lot of people over the years, friends and family especially. And I’d always hated myself in that way for doing those hurtful things and not caring about it at the time. But now I’m like, forgiving myself, I guess.

Since all those people were good enough to forgive me a long time ago.

Anyway, I’m basically just really happy with who I am as a person, now. And I’ve let go of my past bullshit, finally.

I hope you will all feel the kind content that I do one day, too. C: